We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
