I want to walk on stilts...naked
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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