what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
