Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I will pee on everything he values.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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