I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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