He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
