youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
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I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
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Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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