We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
