I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
