thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
