My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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