ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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