Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
