I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
