Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
