I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
