Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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