All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
