so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
