oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
