how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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