Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
