Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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