i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
