Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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