and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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