You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
