i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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