I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
do nipples grow back?
Randomize