Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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