when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
