I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
