dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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