I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
