I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
