i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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