It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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