We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
