it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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