ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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