I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
