Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
