If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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