and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
