i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
