WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
