Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
