These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
