You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I puked a lego.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
