: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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