He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
