Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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